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Monday, March 31, 2003 10:17 PM WI, FI, LI, NY A week ago a good friend of mine's father passed away. He was too young, and it was cancer. I went home to offer condolences and maybe some strength. I still haven't completely gotten over my own father's death and so therefore don't know how much of a help I can be to Anthony. But I tried and will continue to do so when he asks it of me. The wake was last Thursday and the funeral on Friday. Each night Rob, I and a few friends stayed at his parent's house and made idle conversation, or talked about the past, or made jokes at each others expense. It could have been easy to think that nothing was wrong, to fall under a spell of normalcy, but it would creep up every once in a while and smack Anthony in the head with the pain and grief. I remember the feeling. And I am sorry to say that it fades rather slowly. Friday night Anthony and his girlfriend went back to the city to get some sleep and maybe some peace. Rob and I saw Old School that night and if you haven't already seen it I recommend that you go soon. Very Funny. ~~Best Movie to see after a Funeral~~ (that was a stupid thing to write) Still very good, a lot more intelligent then I thought it was going to be. On Saturday I went for a walk from Field 5 towards Kismet and the rest of the Fire Island towns. It was an overcast and the breeze from the ocean was very brisk, but all in all it was a beautiful day. There were a lot of people about, collecting seashells and walking their dogs. I was enjoying myself and stopped to look over the ocean when I noticed something floating almost directly in front of me. A dead shark. I never saw it close enough to tell you exactly what type, and the Park Rangers weren't going to get it unless it became beached so they weren't sure either. It was about 6 feet long and gray and was definitely dead. I had never seen a shark anywhere near Moses before except for a dead tiger shark over by Captree when I was about 10. We watched it float in and out with the tides. No birds dove near it, just in case it decided to re-animate and then eat them, birds know that sharks can be tricky. I watched it for about 20 minutes until a riptide pulled it out to deeper waters. I then continued my walk east. I decided to walk up to the lighthouse. The lighthouse is to south shorers what the Statue of Liberty is to people in the city. You always notice it but you never go. Tourists go, school groups go, but the natives never. I had never visited the lighthouse. In all my years going to Moses, and especially Field 5, I had never once walked up to it. When I was younger we always said we would go but the the waves would beckon and we would all rush to the water and forget about the black and white tower. I did this time. Luckily it was open and I got on a tour and climbed the second tallest lighthouse in the US. It is the tallest landmark on Fire Island and you can see for miles, even on a overcast day, the wind was incredible, it must have been blowing around 20 knots on the catwalk. I should have had my camera. I recommend the visit, just do it in the off season, otherwise you may just never leave the beach. On the way home I stopped at Captree and had some Manhattan Clam Chowder, which you can't get in New England, where it is all cream based. I realized later that night that there are tons of places on Long Island that I have never visited, mayhap I'll see some more when I go home again, next week. I really love the island. Its just the people that I can't stand. Monday, March 24, 2003 1:39 PM Sick I am home sick today, some little virus, maybe it was just the open window last night, who knows. Around 3 am Kona started barking. The sort of "hey, hello, household, what is that weird noise, it is sort of freaking me out, hello, someone wake up and find out what the fuck that crazy noise is, I'll keep barking, God that noise is freaking me out, anyone, a little help here" bark. I woke, opened the front door to show him that nothing was there and then I heard that noise. A weird off key hybrid of a cat screeching and a car getting keyed. It freaked me out. So I let Kona into my room and let him on the bed. That is when I noticed that I was sick. I started thinking about that noise. The 3am thoughts started to creep in. The maybe the world has flipped, maybe I am in Bellona, the sky about to crack open. Maybe someone released some weird weapon that makes odd noises and infects you with anthrax or something worse. Kona barked again. I petted him, calmed myself and fell back to sleep. God am I in bad shape. I hate being sick. Sunday, March 23, 2003 8:49 PM There is a saying.. He who eats horsemeat should not go to the races. Saturday, March 22, 2003 3:34 PM Teenage Presidential Prankster Why Colin Powell Should Go (need NYTimes account, so here is one Login: pharmacygod password: watertown) This editorial says some of the things about what the fuck is going on in Washington that I just can't say coherently. "Such a loyal and optimistic man would make some president a great secretary of state. Just not this president." Please read it now, if you haven't already done so. Wednesday, March 19, 2003 9:02 PM Harvest Moon Lying low on the horizon, red and swollen as if about to give birth to an asteroid or two. It is the most dominant feature of the night. You are mesmerized by it, not paying attention to the road, you almost trip over a branch, jerk your sight down to regain your balance, and when you look up again it is gone. Completely missing, you can't make out the clouds that must be blocking it from view, there must be clouds. You keep walking, its absence now making you nervous, start wondering if it really is behind clouds, maybe something happened, maybe you lost your sense of direction. You stop and look all around, spinning in circles. The moon does not re-appear. Maybe it is gone, stolen. This makes you more nervous and you start walking faster now, glancing up in the sky and out across the fields, waiting for the demon that stole the moon to come after you. And then when you look in the sky again it has reappeared, higher in the sky now and no longer red. It seems smaller, diminished. But still beautiful. Monday, March 17, 2003 5:09 PM Spring Well it snowed 4 days ago and now it is in the high 50's, so I went for a quick walk, but I really need to do my laundry. So I came home to get ready to leave for the laundromat and started to burn cds onto my iPod. I have been doing that for the last 4 hours. It really is odd how soothing burning music onto my mac can be. 11:44 AM War? I wonder if Blair will still be Prime Minister by the time Bush speaks tonight at 8. (or at least by the time the war starts) NYTimes: In Address, Bush to Tell Hussein to Step Down or Face War BBC: Iraq diplomacy collapses CNN: Bush to address nation on Iraq Times: Robin Cook resigns; Bush to make TV address Guardian: Who is likely to resign? (UK) Thursday, March 13, 2003 3:07 PM Flurry of inactivity. It's snowing again in Boston. Now mind you, I love winter, I love snow, but I am looking forward to spring. This is Kona, my housemate Doug's dog. I am off to take him for an unscheduled walk cause he looks bored and wants to frolic in the snow. I also want to frolic in the snow. I am also slightly bored. I love snow. Now where should we go? To the park? To the playground? To the Charles? We'll just walk until we get there. Sunday, March 09, 2003 8:34 PM Do Democrats Cause Cancer? More on Fox News. On the ticker during the "Fox News, the Evil News Station" segment on The Simpsons tonight. Hilarious. Saturday, March 08, 2003 2:40 PM 30 Days to 30 Years PLAN: This is loose it is flexible, it was put together in 3 minutes 1) Drive to the Mississippi this summer. I can go further, I could just turn around, but I will drive there in June or July, which everyone knows is a great time to go on a road trip. Right? 2) Go to Florida, stay with a friend and do absolutely the minimum amount of shit for at least a week, or until said friend kicks me out. 3) Fly to California. Stay with a different friend. Do the same as above for a different week. 4) Visit various friends which could happen during #1 but which doesn't need to. 5) Play Golf. 6) Ride Bike. Fix Bike. Buy new Bike. Eat Bikes. 7) Maybe think about looking for a job around September. 8) Write, but not just for this site. Ah the things to do list. I like lists. They are my friends. Friday, March 07, 2003 11:24 PM "This is the worst president ever." Said the doyenne of the White House press corps, syndicated columnist Helen Thomas. In the Daily Breeze in January. 7:48 PM Repetitive Mistake Syndrome World of Ends: Doc Searls and David Weinberger's new site about what the internet actually is. Hasn't all sunk in, but it looks damn straight. 6:16 PM ~~Wishing~~ Rex Stout: A Majesty's Life UPDATE: No longer wishing, bought it. 5:48 PM Jade Turtle Pics and maps and a desert turtle. Thursday, March 06, 2003 10:03 PM Its a pseudo milk type drink thing. Raging Cow, no not the new milk based Dr. Pepper drink, and not the really crappy pseudo blogs that Dr. Pepper is using to promote their new milk based drink, but the the raging cow blogspot anti-commercial blog. (More links, mean higher Google rating, means the other site will get knocked off of the top of the list) Update: It seems google is not linking the site anymore, odd as blogspots are part of Google now. Update: Ah the answer from Kevin Marks himself. Google Dance has started. Tuesday, March 04, 2003 5:27 PM I'm pissed off at myself. Monday, March 03, 2003 9:31 PM The irony of threes. I have been having the wanderlust. Need to run away and roam. Just get in the car, grab some cash, clothes and go. 3 weeks later I'd be in Montana, or Texas or Canada. I'd pitch a tent and stargaze. I know that soon I will have to get a real job. I am going to have to start my career in some way in the next 10 months, I cannot keep going on in the same direction. I will fall apart, go mad. I still have no idea what I want to really do. This has stymied me. I just need to start. I keep putting off both of those options. I go to my easy, dead end, mindless job each day. I go out on the same nights and watch the same TV shows each week. It is what I will be doing tonight and tomorrow and the day after. Life is easier that way. Today is the third day of the third month of this third year of the 21st. I turn 30 in a month and 4 days. I must decide or I must wander. Just. Sunday, March 02, 2003 4:31 PM Oh the humanity. The horror of blimps (by way of ariel). The blimp which was up until this moment a fun toy here embarked on a career of evil.....I awoke the way you awake when you suddenly know that there is a large levitating sinister presence hovering towards you with menacing intent through the maligant darkness.

		Copyright 2000-07: Michael Patrick Cutillo, jadedturtle *8^p

Monday, March 31, 2003